Tonight we bring you another tale from the depraved depths of Reddit, this one a very telling look at the reality of reproductive rights in America.
Posted to /r/childfree, a community of people that like to sit around and pat each other on the back for not wanting children, this woman sought advice on how to avoid the costs of childbirth and support after her boyfriend changed his mind about giving the child up for adoption, in a post titled I’ve Been Tricked:
I’m 8.5 months pregnant. I knew I didn’t want the baby from the start, but at the persistent requests of my mother and my boyfriend I chose to go through with an adoption.
The family that will adopt the child wants an open adoption which is great. I’m not sure that I would even want a relationship with the kid but this was great for my boyfriend who does want to know the kid.
We have already signed all of the papers for the adoption, however our consent can be redacted up to ten days after the birth. One morning about two months ago my boyfriend woke up and said that no matter what I want he is going to terminate the adoption (which means the child can never legally go for adoption again unless my boyfriend and I die). Therefore, custody kicks back to me automatically.
I’m not happy about this, obviously. I could have had an abortion but now it’s too late (I don’t have any medical reasons to have a late term abortion). He seems to think I have somehow been lying this whole time, even though every time he brought up parenting I clearly stated that I wanted an adoption (I said those words verbatim many, many times to avoid any confusion). He told me that he assumed I would bond with the baby and that I would be a monster if I “turned my back” on the kid.
Now I’m stressed out because initially the adoption agency was going to pay for all of the expenses of birth (which is fucking outrageous, by the way). On top of this, if I relinquish all custody to him so he can have a kid I’m afraid he is going to want me to pay child support for a kid that I made clear from the start that I never wanted.
It’s so shitty because so many people think that I’m some cold hearted bitch because I don’t want a kid “even though I have a man that wants to help me raise one”. I just feel trapped and I wanted to rant to a community that might make me feel like I’m not a psychopath.
Any emotional support at this point would be very much appreciated.
TL;DR boyfriend agreed to an adoption but waited until the pregnancy progressed to a point where I couldn’t get an abortion to say he wouldn’t allow an adoption.
Edit: thank you all for your advice! Many of you suggested taking advantage of the Baby Moses laws. I looked into it, this would work only if ex (yes, we are done. This is a massive betrayal and I don’t want to be coerced into anything else) doesn’t put out a search for the kid. He has been very involved with the pregnancy and knows that the baby is healthy/when it is due. Should I choose to use a Baby Moses law, even if I went to another state, there would likely be a manhunt for the kid. Instead I think my best course of action is to meet with a lawyer and get my shit squared away now, because I can’t predict/trust how the ex will proceed. I am already in the process of meeting with a family lawyer.
Thank you, thank you so much for all of your support. It’s so nice to know that I’m not the crazy one. I can’t thank you enough for the constructive criticisms, kind words, and advice. You guys rule.
Truly a heartwarming tale about the triumph of the human spirit. For those wondering about what a comment encouraging the use of the “Baby Moses” law might look like, here’s an example:
Get legal advice now. I don’t know if anything can be done, but this is ridiculous and horrible.
One alternative I can think of would be if you could take off without telling him and stay with relatives or friends in another state that has a Baby Moses law on the books, drop the baby off at a designated and legal safe place anonymously, and simply walk away. I know that doesn’t help with the costs of giving birth, but at least you might avoid child support that way if you can maintain distance from him and he isn’t determined enough to lawyer up and pursue the matter.
There’s a few things to be said about this post. Notice how the woman claims that if the adoption is cancelled that custody will default back to her? This is a point I have tried to explain to people before, when arguing for the presumption of shared parenting, people often assume that the reason mother’s so often get custody of the children is because of agreements, verbal or otherwise, that are worked out between the two parents.
In reality, the split often happens before the child is even born, and the soon to be father is left pulling his hair out trying to negotiate parenting with a bitterly scorned ex lover that has all the power and leverage in the negotiation. Pregnancies are difficult so it’s not all that surprising that breakups happen during them, as in the above story.
The other main point for people to consider is the lengths that people are willing to go to in order to avoid 18 years of paying child support, and understandably so. The problem for men is that they don’t have the same options as women, you know, like unilaterally deciding to have an abortion, or fleeing the state with the baby in your belly.
A thought occurred to me while reading this post, and I’m honestly not sure if there’s any credence to this at all, as I haven’t had a chance to dig into it, but hear me out. One stat you will hear feminists quoting is that men are 6 times more likely to kill their (female) partners than vice-versa (or something like that, I’m quoting the stat from memory).
However, what many non-MRAs don’t know, is that back in the 70’s that number use to be much closer to parity. Some have speculated that one reason women now murder their husbands much less often is because of the proliferation of domestic abuse shelters.
I’m just wondering if another reason men kill their partners more often is to get out of 18 years of child support. A simple google search will reveal that it is known to happen. Just another reason to have reproductive rights for men, to save the lives of women and children!