Welcome to Part 2 of my vaginal art ranked list. Hey, where are you going? Come back. If you missed Part 1 you had better click on this link right here, mister. If you didn’t miss Part 1, mind if I ask exactly what the hell is wrong with you? I mean you really are a twisted pervert to have survived half this list and come back for more, aren’t you? Me too, man. Me too.
Let’s get into it…
#5 The PlopEgg Painting Performance
We’ve seen menstrual blood paintings and we’ve seen an artist holding a pencil with her honey pot, but you know what we never thought we’d see? A woman standing naked in public on some makeshift scaffolding dropping eggs onto a canvas. Out of her gash.
You might be asking yourself, “why? dear god why?” That’s because you’re an uncultured philistine with no appreciation for the finer things. Otherwise you would know that the “PlopEgg Painting” itself releases a loose chain of thoughts — about the creation fear, the symbolic strength of the casual and the creative power of the femininity. A comparison to wild associations arises and by the intensity of the seen and experienced, one becomes clear: the art needs like so often the corporeity to be able to manifest itself.
#4 Vagina Scent Artist
You know what I often think is missing in today’s art scene? Authenticity. That’s why I am giving the 4th place spot to to the only dude to grace our list, Peter de Cupere. Not content to just paint vaginas like any old hack, Peter infuses his canvases with, and I quote, “the scent of women from different races and nationalities.”
But why stop there? For real authenticity, this guy replaced the bristles of his paintbrush with pubic hairs. I mean imagine the outrage if you bought one of these scratch n’ sniffs only to find out it was created with a normal paintbrush?
“To look at vaginal smell as paint is a poetic statement,” the artist explained. It sure is, Peter, my dude.
“hmmm, needs more Bosnian whore”
#3 Vaginal Knitter
Say what you want about infamous vaginal knitter Casey Jenkins, but she is nothing if not obstinate. So very, very obstinate. She just won’t stop. Please stop, Casey. It’s time to stop. In 2013, Casey infuriated Internet commenters with a performance art piece that involved her knitting with wool inserted into her vagina.
Then in 2015, Casey struck back against an unwilling audience that clearly has no appreciation for a woman on the cutting edge. To prove that she had nothing to be ashamed of she knitted some of the mean comments into wall pieces. From her vagina. While menstruating.
#2 Menstrual Blood Cookies
As if we haven’t delved deep enough into the depths of female depravity, it’s time to start baking. But before you can bake cookies with menstrual blood, you need to save up some of that good stuff, so that’s exactly what this tumblr artist did.
Overcome with fear at the painful thought of being separated from her prized possession, she decided to put the liquid to
Where you wondering why I tagged this post with ‘mental illness’? No. No you weren’t.
#1 Sourdough Yeast Bread
British Blogger Zoe Stavri whipped the Internet up into a frothy bread mix, after writing about a sourdough loaf she’d begun to make from scratch, leavened with yeast from a vaginal infection. She sourced the yeast with the help of a dildo, as if baking weren’t fun enough already. Yes. Really.
As if you didn’t know where this was headed, not content to just bake the bread, Zoe, like any good mental patient, chose to indulge.
“It tasted like a pretty damn nice sourdough bread. Not the tangiest sourdough I’ve ever eaten, but solidly tasty…I really, really liked it,” Stavri wrote. “After having a little bite, I ate a slice with butter. The bread was still slightly warm and the butter soaked in and it was absolutely heavenly.”
Sort of makes you think, doesn’t it. I mean, about the limitless possibilities and potentials that can be unleashed when the human spirit is willing. Where do we go from here, no one knows, and that’s what makes it all so very, very exciting
Thanks for reading everyone. I’m sure those of you that have ever lamented being born in this era are having second thoughts now. Not so bad, at the end of the day, is it?