I recently wrote a piece titled, Why I Don’t Respect Single Mothers. It was written in an inflammatory style, even by my standards, and it elicited a very strong response from many people reading it. I thought I would take a stab at clarifying a few things, add a little more context, so people can hopefully understand where I’m coming from with that post.
One disclaimer, before I dive into this. I’m going to commit the same crime from my last post and speak in broad generalizations, savvy? If I admit to this upfront, could you possibly spare me your personal anecdote about that one guy or girl you know that doesn’t fit the stereotype? Could you possibly shut your fucking pie hole for one minute and just listen for a change? Let’s find out…
Recently I posted a screenshot to my Facebook page, which also elicited a strong response in people, getting thousands of shares and comments in the first hours:
There are many reasons that women might leave a relationship, but there is one reason that is much, much, much more common than all the rest. Dissatisfaction. Say it with me. Dissatisfaction. Oh I’m sorry, is that a little more esoteric than you were hoping for? Welcome to dealing with women. Look at the reason given in the above screenshot. “idk”.
Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr., a noted and well-respected author and marriage counselor, lists the following nine statements as the most commonly quoted to him by women seeking divorce:
1. I feel alone and abandoned.
2. My husband is no longer my friend.
3. The only attention he gives me is when he wants sex.
4. He is never there for me when I need him the most; he’s not interested in my problems.
5. When he hurts my feelings, he never apologizes; he just says I’m too sensitive.
6. He rarely considers my opinion when making decisions; he lives as if he’s single.
7. We are ships that pass in the night; he goes his way, I go mine.
8. We have become strangers; I don’t know who he is anymore.
9. He doesn’t show interest in me or what I do.
I’m just going to make this blunt and simple, otherwise it will be four hundred paragraphs. Women in the modern world are not happy and when women aren’t happy, they give up, they quit, they go out in search of something new, because they are very concerned with their own happiness.
The “paradox of declining female happiness” is well documented. As third wave feminism has shamed women that want to fulfill traditional roles and the economic realities of the modern world have also helped force women in to the workplace, women have become miserable, much more so than men.
Also well documented, are the effects of marriage on women’s happiness (it’s not good). Women actually tend to be happier after divorce, while the opposite is true for men. This shouldn’t surprise you, when you factor in that women are the ones who typically get to keep the kids and the man is more often stuck paying support and alimony while no longer receiving any of the benefits for his support.
The main problem is people have this idea that marriage is suppose to make you happy. Marriage, as far as I’m concerned is about raising your kids properly. This was the entire point of article about single mothers that people seemed to miss. I could care less if you get divorced after your children have become adults and left the home, but you’re too worried about your own happiness to make it work until then. There is something called a parenting marriage, look into it.
This is what surprised me about the reaction to my article. So many people seemed completely indignant at the idea that your children should come before your own happiness. One woman even said that it would be better to split up than to have her child grow up thinking this “cold” marriage is what love is suppose to look like. I am just gobsmacked by these reactions. Imagine thinking that your child having some fairy tale notion of love is more important than something like them being five fucking times more likely to commit suicide.
The effects of fatherless homes are beyond dispute, and yet I’m the bad guy for encouraging people to avoid this? As far as I’m concerned it’s an utter neglect of the duty you accepted when you decided to give birth. Imagine writing an article titled Why I Don’t Respect People That Neglect Their Children and the general reaction being for everyone to say “wow this guy sounds so bitter and salty, lol”.
You don’t have to take my advice. You are perfectly entitled to put your own happiness above the needs of your child, just don’t expect me to respect you for it.