WARNING!!1!: This blog contains spoilers for game of thrones up to and including S02E09
Game of Thrones season 2 has been bothering me for some time now. So much so that I had to go to google to see if anybody else was annoyed as I was at how un-wild-looking John Snow’s little piece of wildling was. If there isn’t already a trope called the Twilight Effect there should be and this would be a perfect example, but I only found one thread about it on some geek.forum. And even there only one person was bothered enough to comment about it. So I tried to sign up, but they said I got the captcha wrong and they said my ip was blacklisted anyway, possible something to do with my ISP (acanac).
Well fuck you geekforum, because now lp got a blog, and he’s going to rant all day about everything that’s wrong with everything. Some day the world will look back and see Game of Thrones S02E09 as literally the straw that broke the internet’s camel humps.
So with only two episodes left in the season, I was feeling a creeping anxiety as this episode approached. There’s just too damn much up in the air, too many loose ends, you know the season is coming to a close, and you know you will not receive any kind of resolution, it’s starting to feel like LOST all over again. These fears were confirmed, I feel, by the fact that the entire second last episode takes place in King’s Landing. No updates on Theon, John, Robb, Aria and friends, Breanna and Jaime, Danaryius (yaya spelling)…
I mean you wait all week knowing you’re only going to get crumbs and then you get nothing. Well not nothing, but did we really need like three separate scenes of The Queen drinking with Sansa, just off the back of a similar scene in the previous episode. Even this felt like a wasted opportunity since Sansa is both “pale” from loss of blood, and having wine shoved down her throat, maybe she will lose her composer and say what she really thinks….nope. Don’t get me wrong I love them both but yes, we get it, no one likes Joffrey. Except me, I love every minute that kid is on screen, someone needs to give him an emmy. I also have to big ups that guy that plays Lancel Lannister, since he managed to get more laughs out of me in this episode than the (p)imp.
Anyway, If someone were to tell me, before seeing this episode, that the entire episode was going to be Stannis’s epic siege on King’s Landing, then I would expect that battle to be pretty, well, epic. I remember them saying in a previous episode that Rennly had like a million men, or maybe it was only 100,000…either way, the battle in Game of Thrones feels like there’s maybe 200 men on either side. When I think of epic fantasy battles my mind always goes to one place, the place where the bar was set for epic fantasy battles, The Battle for Helm’s Deep, or as I like to affectionally call it, Ball’s Deep. Sorry to say but Game of Thrones really did not meet the standard. Sure we got a cool CGI of some green fire to start us off, but it was pretty anti-climactic from then on. And what was with Bronn’s 3000 meter shot to set off the trap? Not to lay too heavily on the LOTR metaphors but is this guy Aragorn the One True Fucking King Or What? Then after Tyrion and his men come out the tunnels they kill like 4 dudes, flip a canoe over and declare victory? Then they are going to have the balls to act like they are leaving us on the possible cliffhanger of Tyrion being dead, this after the pathetic exact same technique was already used with Brann and his little brother earlier in the season. It was cheap then and it’s cheap now so stop acting like a soap opera.
Oh well, only more episode left in my was-almost-my-favorite-but-now-I’m-not-quite-so-sure-show. Hopefully it’s less disappointing, and I get to see more of my favorite character Jaqen H’ghar.
PS: If anybody out there thinks Balls Deep doesn’t stand the test of time, I will refer you to exhibit A: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ht8gZM81Ewg